I ranted last week about some insane phone conversations I had with TD Bank while trying to get access to funds from the estate of my cousin, as my job as executor (personal representative is the legal term).
The saga continued, this time in a branch on Third Avenue where the customer service people are more like moles sitting in a chair, collecting a paycheck for saying things like, "what is the name of the person you spoke to at the 800 number?" and "I don't have that information, we need to speak directly to Debby."
First, have you EVER in your life got the name of the person you spoke to at the other end of an 800 number for a bank that has 1000 branches? And if you did, was that name something other than "Mary" or "John" or "Candy?" And second, Debby is dead, which is why I am calling. PAY ATTENTION you stupid fucking idiot.
It started on the phone with customer service, as I was trying to verify that the account has been closed (it was, finally) and where they sent the money (they have no idea). Since they couldn't tell me where the checks had been sent, and since they couldn't provide me with a statement of the account, the Supervisor told me she would "make a note" in the account so that when I went into the branch, they would know for sure that I was authorized on the account and could print me out a statement. Sounds reasonable, right?
But no, TD Bank branches apparently don't have access to the "notes in the record" like they do on the 800 number, and they aren't trained to tell me about it on the phone either. In this age of technology, each TD Bank branch is a separate entity and they haven't been trained to speak to each other or access each other's "notes." Instead of offering to call for me, the Customer Service Moron told me I should call her 800 number to see if I could find any information. I actually sat in front of the woman while I called her employer's 800 number to get verification from the "notes in my record." I think she was playing Solitaire while I was on hold.
The woman who answered the phone could see my name in the "notes" but couldn't authorize anything, for reasons that were not explainable. They would need to call someone at the branch! And even though earlier the same day, someone gave me information about the account, three hours later we were back to square one. I was sitting in a branch with a woman who said I had to speak to the person at the 800 number who presumably had access to the paperwork. As I screamed and argued about this, the battery of my phone died so I had to leave and go to a meeting about NOISE, which I was surely making in this bank branch. If I was a drunk bar goer, I would have fit right in, yelling into my cell phone, yelling at the people around me, pretty much having a nervous breakdown to avoid my impulse to strangle this woman in a cheap suit with oily hair. I should have called 311 to complain about myself.
Lesson #2: If you plan to die, and you care about your heirs, do not leave any money at TD Bank. They have no central office, no Trust Department, and no customer service.