Wednesday, April 16, 2008

My dress fell down

This morning to celebrate the spring-like weather, I decided to wear a dress. Also, I had recently shaved my legs, making it even more palatable to reveal them in something sheer. I only have a couple of dresses so it isn't like there is a lot of trying things on and throwing them over my shoulder like they do in the movies. But the first dress I put on had a big patch of crusty food on the front, clearly hung up after a drunken night, which is usually when I wear a dress.

So the second dress went on, a stretchy number that is low cut and attracts a certain amount of staring below my chin and attention from construction workers. I knew the boss would be out today so I was safe. Pretty much everybody else are women.

I was a little late as my timing was off due to the crusty dress (I have exactly 27 minutes to wake up, shower, dress and get out the door to make the 8:30 bus) and I didn't really look to see what was happening, other than there was no food on the dress and no rips in the stockings.

As I hurried to the bus I passed by a glass front store that revealed, upon gazing at what I thought would be a delightful me looking leggy and chipper, was in fact me looking homeless, as the black full slip that I thought was attached to the inside of the dress was actually not attached, and was falling down around my knees. I pulled it up as best I could at the waist. Of course that movement causes the entire dress to pull up, way too high for comfort. Pulling up and down, I tried to look casual as I approached the bus stop.

At the bus stop I tried to tinker with it but what I found was that I would have to take off the top half of the dress in order to get my arms through the armholes of the slip, which I had neglected to do when first donning the garment. Not going to happen outside. So on the bus I sat down and waited until 7th Avenue when mostly everybody gets off. I moved to the back next to the rear door which has a good barrier from the rest of the bus, and I took off my jacket and sweater, and the top half of my dress so I could get my arms through. Pretty much I spent about a full minute on the bus in my bra in public. Not my usual style. I think only one woman saw that I was doing something weird and politely turned away.

So you would think that was the end. No, not so much. When I got to the office I looked down to see that the slip was not on right at the bosom. Remember, this is a low cut dress and the slip was showing at the cleavage, and not in a sexy way, but in an "I have this slip on backwards" way. My office has a glass door and a long glass window that looks out to the common area next to the kitchen. So I went into the conference room, completely undressed, turned around the slip, IGNORED THAT IT WAS ALSO INSIDE OUT and finished my day.

Later on I discovered that my shoes, which I haven't worn since last spring, were covered in plaster dust accumulated from the construction downstairs that seeps up through the floorboards. I can't keep up with this stuff anymore, it's just too much work to look nice.


Davis Holmgren said...

Is that what they call a fashion faux-pas? Wardrobe malfunction is one of the things that my wife is most afraid of. That's why whenever she shops for a dress in Calgary, her favorite shopping destination, she carefully examines the design first before she buys it.

Jill said...

Are you seriously posting comments on blogs to promote Calgary as a favorite shopping destination? That's ridiculous.