Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Bad Trip Part II (in 10 points)

Just back from Tahiti where it had been raining for 15 days straight prior to my arrival. However, my 4 days there were just hot and sweltering. As I suspected, it was not the best use of my time at this point in my worklife, but I have to admit it was a load of fun and the group I was with turned out to be great. I regret my previous comments where I conjectured that they would be a bunch of old boring men. They were, in fact, old interesting men and lovely young women.

1 -Tahiti is beyond expensive. Even the lesser of the gorgeous hotels are wallet drainers. If you like a more remote experience, it is like Hawaii but without the people and activities or money-saving opportunities such as condos with kitchens and picnic lunches on the beach made from local delicacies.

2 - there isn't a lot to do so you have to be really ok with sitting in your beautiful over-water bungalow enjoying the scenery.

3 - watersports are the thing - you can snorkel from your balcony, jetski around an entire island in the course of a morning, sail, play with the stingrays, feed the sharks, kite-board etc. The water is literally crystal clear, I have never seen anything like it.

4 - there are some tours of the local villages. Also 4x4 driving through the beautiful mountains is very popular. The cruise passengers take large buses to the same locations.

5 - all of the above is very expensive so you have to be prepared to really spend while you are there if you want to have activities.

6 - one of the most romantic vacations spots, Tahiti is truly a paradise if you are inclined for a honeymoon or 2nd honeymoon or 3rd honeymoon. Due to the lack of things to do, I think having sex might be one of the best options for the active traveler. If you plan it well you might be able to find interesting places to have sex besides your room, just for variety sake. You can start on the long airplane ride (13 hours from NY, 8 hours from LA) and just continue from there. Make sure you request the bungalow that is positioned at the end of the row, as it has the most private balcony, where the neighbors can't see you - and opens up one more option for locations to have sex.

7 - The food is excellent, especially if you love seafood.

8 - The black pearls are GORGEOUS. Don't leave without at least one - you can mount it at home for much cheaper, but they are truly hard to resist.

9 - the tiare flowers that they shower on you every step of the way have a sweet scent that stays with you far after you have returned home. I found their best use in the hotel room was as a natural deoderant in the bathroom. (Note: in the fake wedding photo to the right, that is, for those of you who don't know me, not my husband.)

10 - very French, brush up before you go in order to have a better experience speaking with the locals.


Larry Slade said...

How about if a rather dashing old dude goes alone.

A. Can I have sex on the balcony (I don't care if anyone can see or not) with the local bare chested women like Paul Gauguin, Fletcher Christian, and Marlon Brando did? I saw Mutiny on the Bounty and it looked pretty good.

B. Have they cured the std's that those dudes brought?

C. And would it costless than paying to fly my own woman out?

D. Do they have cable TV?

Jill said...

A. You can have sex where ever you want because at 55 if you are still going strong you need to flaunt it. And by the way the women wear clothes.

B. Don't know, they looked pretty healthy and beautiful to me.

C. Maybe you can call ahead and find out how much they charge, in advance. Your woman might not be too happy though so you need to think through the consequences, especially if B kicks in.

D. Limited. No porn. At least in the hotels I stayed at. I assume that was the meaning of your question.

E. You are a dirty old man! :0

Larry Slade said...

Nah! For the cable I was thinking more Cspan Book-TV on the weekends.
I'm not a dirty old man. You were the one who said there was nothing to do there but have sex (and jet ski, and such).
But I was just thinking of the little bit I know about the place, like having heard about the sex colonists that I mentioned above. Oh yeah, they just went there for the unspoiled life, which they then spoiled, of course.
But from the photos it looks a little wet there. I guess that table and the houses weren't in the water prior to the icebergs melting and such. What happens after global warming? Dining with a snorkel?
When you try to sell vacations to people maybe you shouldn't tell them how expensive and boring it is.

Jill said...

Let's not mix up my professional opinion, which is that Tahiti is a fantastic vacation destination vs. my personal preferences for where I would vacation. BIG difference.

Larry Slade said...

Well it looks pretty nice to me.
I'm all for clear water.
Do they have any mountain, or is it all little flat islands?

Jill said...

It's pretty mountainous, it's volcanic. In Moorea we took ATVs to the top of "Magic Mountain" for beautiful vistas of the harbor.