Sunday, May 09, 2010

Warning For the Girls

It is my shameful secret that I am the fattest skinny girl you will ever meet. Having a baby and eating lots of donuts gives gravitas to that center section normally reserved for beer in men.

With that in mind, while browsing in the lingerie section at Macy's, I decided to try on some of those new fangled girdles they sell in varying shapes and styles (skinnier thighs! slim your waist! trim your bust! lose 10 pounds with this garment!) made from super-sonic, stretchy, futuristic, silky and ultra-synthetic fabric. And it's true, they cling so tightly you cannot help but look like Superwoman with really flat boobs (unless you get the ones with the bra built in, in which case you would have regular looking boobs to complement your newly found skinny waist).

You think there is a trick to looking so thin? Yes there is, and here is the WARNING -- these garments are nearly impossible to remove. I was on the verge of calling the saleswoman into my kiosk to assist with the tugging, as my shoulder was nearly dislocated. Thankfully I finally got it off. Thank goodness because nobody needs to see me in that position, even an anonymous Macy's clerk.

3 comments:

Larry Slade said...

But don't these things assist in making the muscles atrophy?

Susan said...

Ahhh, we all look great in our Spanx! However, taking it off is another matter. In my case, very much like opening a can of Poppin' Fresh Dough...

Goggla said...

lol...part of the magic is burning 600 calories as you get the thing on, then walking around in 90 degrees and 90% humidity until you sweat away another 10 lbs. The paramedics will have to cut you out of it after you faint from heat exhaustion, though...so that's $40 lost that you could spend happily on cheese and wine.