My Husband's Weird Ass

It is fair to say that my husband has little interest in fashion. He has a couple of constants - anything that touches his skin must be made from natural fibers, and if he doesn't wear a belt his pants fall right down because he has no ass.

So how odd it was on Saturday when I noticed that he had a chain on his belt loop, apparently attached to a wallet in his pocket. Ok, it doesn't look bad, I thought, and immediately forgot about it. But then on Sunday, after I returned from a day of errands, I noticed that the chain was, once again, attached to his belt loop. And more interestingly, I knew that he hadn't gone outside all day because I had accidentally taken his keys, so he couldn't leave and have confidence he could get back in.
When I asked him about the chain, he said he liked the way it looked, and he took out the wallet to show me - something one of his students gave him.

Nothing odd yet, right? Wrong. The wallet was completely empty, and he has no intention of putting anything in it. He just likes the chain and purposefully attached it to his pants and put the wallet in his back pocket on a Sunday when he had no intention of leaving the house.

It occurs to me that perhaps he thinks the wallet makes his ass look bigger, because since he has no ass, a wallet in the pocket makes it look like he might have something in there.