Since the day my son was born I have been counting down until he was grown and out of the house, giving us back the flexibility and freedom of the pre-baby years. While I love being a mother, and I love my son beyond belief, the past 14 years have been completely consumed by his schedule. For the past 6 years we have spent virtually every weekend, both Saturday and Sunday, driving around a 60 mile radius to soccer games and practices, leaving very little time to do anything else. Sometimes I resented the intrusion on our free time, mostly when there was a conflict of schedules, and the guilt we were made to feel by missing a game or a practice, and couldn't wait to be free of the constant commitment.
Well, now it has happened. No more soccer. Simultaneous to that, Max has become completely independent, going to stay with friends most weekends. Sometimes they come here, but they are gone during the days, and stop by at night to play videogames and finally sleep. Either way, we don't see much of him, and he doesn't ask much of us. We give him his allowance, he seems to figure out how to spend it judiciously, and he is off on his own, roaming around, having fun, hanging out. Gone from the house. We are alone, at last.
But it is not as sweet as I had imagined. I don't really know what to do with myself all day. I sleep late if I can. I pay the bills, read books and magazines, catch up on tv (The War seems to go on forever, I don't know if I will be able to watch all of it, but that's another story about the trials and tribulations of the Time Warner dvr system), laze around all day in pajamas. Sometimes we go outside and walk around. I'm making an effort to not go shopping and buy more things I don't need or have room for, also with the goal of paying down the Amex bill. I've been trying to sell my car, but that's kind of a passive thing, waiting for emails and phone calls to respond to. I see friends and that is nice, but generally in the evenings for dinner or a drinks.
So here I sit, knowing that I could clean the house (yuck) or put the summer vacation photos in an album (boring) or bake the apple cobbler for Elizabeth (tomorrow) or go to a movie (nothing sounds too interesting) or watch more of The War (oy) or read a book (I read for 2 hours this morning, I need something else) or put away the stack of cd's that Max put into his i-touch (he really should do that himself what am I the maid?) or file the bills (again, boring) or go for a walk (ok I'll go outside).